Some time for myself

It had been long since I got some time for myself. Today it seems I have got some, and believe me I am cherishing it like anything.

A few years back, it all started with the race of getting admission into a good engineering college. Once done , then came what to do to get a good job. Once that done, then came that maybe I should go for higher studies.And it continues till date. Sometimes I think that this race never ends. We die also because of these desires. But they mean life to us. I remember well that when I was a teenager , I listened to music for hours together. I dont know when and how it just became a past and now I dont even have time to search for some good songs.I am actually not sure whether this is good or bad because on the contrary, I have started earning, I have my own identity and I drive my own bike :).....but still somewhere deep down in my heart, I miss those scintillating moments with music.

Life is a conundrum. The more you try to unravel it, the more mysterious it gets.The needs, wishes of me when I was a 5 yr old kid is not the same as I do have now. Though few wishes remain the same, like I used to dream about a house of mine , a wooden cottage near a lake.This still remains on my list. There was a time when I could not even eat by myself until mom feeded me and I remember ,it remained like that for many years :)......but today things have changed,,,,, I can cook food too. So as a whole, at every point of time in life, the way of living it changes . In the path, you make friends, foes , you cross hurdles,you laugh, you cry, you see beautiful things happening in life and lots more . I do not have a very sound sleep or as a friend of mine said that I sleep with my conscious mind still wide open.....everytime I sleep, before that I see the star studded sky once.It gives me a warmth, a feeling that someone is looking after you, its not dark and the words faith, belief and above all humanity shows greater strength in their light.

To end it here, I deeply regret the loss of so many innocent lives in the Mumbai Warzone by the terrorist activity. Its a scar that will never go from the history of our country. Lets be one and fight for our survival.

Tu is taraf rahega ya us taraf rahega,
koi kaafir kahega ya koi kaayar kahega.
Aaj mandir ye chup hai
Masjid bhi hai gumsum,
tu kab tak rukega, tu kab tak rukega.

I am Back!!!!!

After a long break, I am back.

I travelled far and wide, not many physical distances though, but metaphysical, mental and a world where i could sense peace. And I am back because I find peace here. This is where my world lies.

There have been days when nothing seemed at place, where everything went mayhem.I couldnt find anything to hold on to, was stuck in a limbo, where nothing nothing went right. But today I realise a truth, maybe a truth which we all try to unravel but it always plays hide and seek with us. The truth is whatever we do, however hard we may try , but its not always going to be our way. Failure and success both have to be there ,but the sweetness of success can only be enjoyed after you have failed umpteen times. I succeeded sometimes but still I remained a boy, but after failing and failing , I became a man and I respect the painstaking efforts put behind any success.

As a child , I was very stubborn, always craving for things which were not even possible sometimes. I learned driving when I was 9 yrs old because my parents could never face my obdurateness. I did a lot of things just when I wished. But the tide
turns, today I am very patient. I know that we have to wait to get to our dreams, he life which we have thought of . Maybe it will never happen , but the hope of it happening is life itself.Hope, faith ,belief , this is all we have got, nothing else
remains with us for a lifetime.

Have you ever realized that we are so stuck in the daily monotonous life of ours that we sometimes forget who we are. We just dont know ourselves any more, because we are governed by how the world wants us to be.And at the end of the path, we can just ask ourself, is this what we wanted in our life?the answer will always be no. So just stop running behind that invisible holy grail, and stop for a
moment and turn the tide. Dont let it be too late that you cant even say sorry to yourself. Just do what you want to do in life.....

CHEERZ!!!
TBA is back.

Just a moment

The distance seems to get nearer.....the path seems to be clear.....there I can see my destination....But I look back and see no one besides me, i am alone in that path.There's a silence unbearable, blurred and very wierd.

Have I travelled so far ?Or am i lost somewhere in the midst of nowhere.Where are those people who promised me that they will be with me forever? Where are those memories which I promised to cherish forever? I thought this is just the beginning, and I have already lost so much... Can I still go ahead....

Yesterday I was gazing at the star studded sky, a blue sky which speaks so much without even speaking. In each star , I could see someone near and dear to me. Moments rolled, the times when we laughed, we played, we teased,commented, fought, cried....almost all human emotions flowing day in and day out. Then suddenly , the clouds overshadowed the stars. With that wind, all those moments just blew away. Only one trickle of tear was left , just one....
very precious one..

I dont have much to write,,, coz I always love to laugh,, can't really cry on what I lost...maybe i'll get it some fine morning,,,or at the worst,,in my next life.....I'll do what I am destined to do,,,I'll cross the path for which I was chosen......maybe some people will still be there for me waiting if ever I come back.....

UNFINISHED BUSINESS OF MY LIFE

I lie to be saved.
I exaggerate to be fitted.
I flatter to be liked.
I try to be confident.

If I do not like you,
Then step out of my way;
But if I desire you,
Then welcome to my life.

I believe that we are rich
But unsure if we are still.
In a sense, I may be clever
But I act as if I do not care.

I am satisfied on my image
But I curse my age ;
I am envious to the famous
For I aspire to be one of those.

I boast on what I have
And pretend that I have.
I admit! I am a feeler
-A total social climber.

By choice, I am fake
Because scared to be unwanted.
I often smile,
But uncertain if it is for real.

Do not you ever hurt me,
For I hold enmity.
Do please adore and notice me,
For I value amity.

I am swanking that I am mean, I tell you
-But what else can I do?
This is who I am,
And I am mold the way I am precisely.

I have not yet transformed,
But still changing.
Genuinely trying,
Not at all falsifying.

I am uttering this not to be hated,
But actually to be loved.

THE NUMBER GAME

August 2006,,,My mind was doing nothing as usual.The spectrum of thoughts have never been my forte as if nature just sent me to look into its beautiful creations. My peers had so many problems....somebody was getting anxious about the results of the semester, somebody had a feud with his girlfriend,somebody had a hangover of yesterday's tequila shot.....hmmm... i tried hard to get some tensions as well,,,,but whenever i tried ,it came down as a big kick on my ass saying - " Trying to fool yourself idiot, how can ur empty mind sustain such tension",,and hence i left thinking about it.......neways skipping the dull part .lets come to the day which probably changed my life forever....i remember it was 5'th August,2006 when somehow I went to the library for somewhat reason( sorry for not remembering ).....started with reading newspaper,,could read only the sports page,then leaped into India Today,but there also could only manage to see the pics in the last page .....My eyes were searching every nook and corner for some gud stuff...searching searching searching...........WAIT....I see something......"THE NUMBER GAME"...a book with a red binding over it....dust laden...somehow it attracted me in some way. I started reading it.


FIRST PAGE- This book is not for the weak hearted. If You start Reading it, then you have to finish it.

SECOND PAGE- What is your birthdate? Chose your birthdate as your chapter number . I chose chapter 25 as my birthdate is 25'th july.

CHAPTER 25- You never realized the importance of your birthdate ...right?? Now you will. Did you know that mankind first ignited woods in 25 B.C. They used 25 sticks in it and the number of people near that ignited wood pieces were 25. What is 2+5...it is 7,the number of Pelaithamus who cut the throat of 25 brave men to get the blessings from 7 gods.With only 25 exceptions, all mammals' necks have seven bones.
It was all years of 25 be it 25 B.C, 25 A.D, 1925, 2025 ,,every year has a pattern related to it. 25 B.C saw new rise of men with fire in hand. 25 A.D The time when Jesus rose with a reincarnation. 1925- The time when rise of a new era of freedom began in the traumatized countries like India, South Africa. 2025- The time when software geeks estimate the invention of Artificial Intelligence and making of fully intelligent robots. Lord Jesus was slashed 25 times but it was 7 times (2+5) when he mumbled the name of "GOD". Every year 25 points in Antarctica gets to the lowest temperature throughout the world and 7 points among them also get the highest temperature in that continent. After every 725 years (7=2+5 and 25) the comet of baregumas hits any planet of Solar System.

There is a relation of life with you. You can be the next saviour. You can be the next maker of a new civilization. You mean something to this world. The NUMBER 25 will never be a waste.

Reading all this,, i got perturbed . I thought lets roll the pages and I switched to Chapter 26..............THERE WAS NOTHING,,,,BLANK.......I flicked the pages.... CHAPTER 30.....NOTHING...BLANK AGAIN...........MY MIND WENT NUMB and a chill went through me. I couldn't help screaming.---" SAVEEEEEEEEEEEEE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"...................
Suddenly I saw the face of the librarian in front of me along with some students glaring at me . I could clearly see on their face " PLEASE BE SILENT". I asked my friend about it,.. he said you went asleep for quite long time and maybe i had a bad dream. I looked beside me,, there was no book......no sign of it.... HOW CAN IT BE...IT HAD TO BE THERE..........

The days passed but i realized that something was there which made me realize somethings. I have a reason to live now. I know what a man is intended to do. Its not the man who is remembered by the world.....but its his deeds which are always there on the sand of time....untouched by the daunting winds.............